Wellness + Wisdom with Josh Trent: AMA | Is "Holding Space" BS? How Men Can Provide Containment In Relationship

AMA | Is "Holding Space" BS? How Men Can Provide Containment In Relationship

Aug 9, 2024

Wellness + Wisdom Episode 663

Wellness + Wisdom Podcast Host and Wellness Force Media CEO, Josh Trent, shares why he doesn't believe in "holding space" and explains how a man can provide containment for a woman.

Today's Questions

@nachtorchis (Marieke): You asked Teal: How do I provide the containment a woman needs, all the while providing exactly that to her? Thank you so much for this incredible loving interview. It is the best interview of Teal yet. You are a very wholesome man. And you give me hope for humanity.

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Listen To Episode 663 As Josh Trent Answers Your Questions

[05:10] Intro

What's up podcast world? It's Josh Trent, and this is Wellness + Wisdom. It's a place, it's a podcast, it's a movement that you and I have been living out since day one.

Since we were in our mother, since we came out of our mother, since we've been walking on the great mother. Look, we all want to have the best life possible, right? You want to thrive in this world. You don't just want to live and exist.

This podcast is about delivering the most powerful nutrients mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, and financially that you can have so you can be the best version of yourself. We call this the Wellness Pentagon.

It's a lens that I see my life through and this lens is shaped like a pentagon. So imagine if you will, you have a glass in front of you and let's just a mirror. And the mirror is shaped like a pentagon. If one of those sides, those 5 sides that I talked about is lacking, it'll start to pull from one of the other sides.

This is something that I know to be true in my life. And on this podcast, we want to, we desire to, and we promise to give you the most nourishment, the most intelligence so you can practically apply it in your life...

[10:30] Holding Space VS Providing Containment

So this question today that we're going to get so awesome, Mar, I'm going to have you read it. It's actually not a question, it's something that we selected from the 957 comments that are on the Teal Swan video on YouTube.

And it was from Marieke. Can you read the question for our AMA today from @nachtorchis on YouTube?

Do you think she's from Finland? She's from the Netherlands. So, Marieke, she's telling us and kind of questioning or doubting what that means.

You asked Teal: How do I provide the containment a woman needs, all the while providing exactly that to her? Thank you so much for this incredible loving interview. It is the best interview of Teal yet. You are a very wholesome man. And you give me hope for humanity.

That's so beautiful. Wow. That'll get me up in the morning. Oh my God. Well, first, thank you for your sweet words. Like I'm not for everyone. And by the way, none of us should be for everyone. If you stand for nothing, you will fall for everything.

So I'm definitely not for everyone, but I really appreciate it to get a reflection that someone is moved by what we're doing here.

And yeah, you know, that episode with Teal was one of my favorite episodes because pushed in the face of dogma regarding the structure of traditional men, women, masculine, and feminine relationships.

One thing that she said that was so profound to me is this description of what containment is. Containment is different than holding space. And this is why the title of this AMA today is why I believe holding space is bullshit.

I'm going to share my opinion and my vantage point and what I've embodied so far about what I believe is and how I provide that to myself, my lady and my children and my business and my life.

And then I'm totally gonna flip the tables on Mar and ask her what she believes containment is from a female perspective. Because I think it's really important that we always learn in that regard. Men and women are uniquely different.

And so it is my ultimate goal to hold the sacred difference between men and women very revered at a very high level.

We live in an age, Mar, where there's a lot of gender dysphoria and, you know, in communism, we've done a clip on Mao, what Mao did in early Chinese communist theory was he took away all the clothing and cut everybody's hair the same. He tried to establish genderless societies. And that is a hallmark of communism.

And we see that happening here in North America and across the world. So today when I speak, I'm speaking from a heteronormative perspective. I totally get that people are in homosexual relationships of course valid because love is love in certain ways, and those ways get to be respected and acknowledged as well.

But everything I say today will be from a man-woman relating standpoint. And so what I believe containment is, first and foremost, is emotional regulation, emotional regulation. It's a superpower.

We talked about this with Moha, who was the founder of a company called Mendi, and we'll link that in our show notes today.

Moha described that he had learned from different colleagues and he hangs out with billionaires, and multi-billionaires across the world.

Everyone is saying the same thing, whether it's in business or relationship or family, emotional regulation is a superpower. So first and foremost, the container that's created for containment is emotional regulation. So how do we emotionally regulate ourselves as men?

First and foremost we have to become very phenomenal active listeners. You have to actually listen. Now in order for you to listen to what your woman is saying you have to first be present. So then how do you be present?

We're gonna connect, reverse engineer the dots here. So active listening, being present, and then breathing and focused attention. Focused attention is probably the one skill set that all of us can sharpen as men.

But in order to have focused attention, we have to have a habitual life away from distraction. So when I'm with my woman and I'm providing her containment, my phone is not in my hand, my phone is off. I'm not distracted by a screen. I'm not thinking about anything else.

And this is where the real rubber meets the road of application. If I want to contain, if I want to provide containment that my woman can really rest in and trust me in, then first and foremost, emotional regulation, focused attention, clearing out distraction.

Then the number one thing to really light a fire in all of this is breathing. What I do when there's a high-tension moment with Carrie Michelle and I, is I'll actually check my jaw because most of us hold tension in our jaw. That's the main place.

And when you're holding tension in your jaw, it cues your vagus nerve that you're in fight or flight, and that makes you less. So I check my jaw, I make sure that I'm breathing into my stomach, when I inhale my belly rises, when I exhale my belly falls, that's first and foremost.

Go to the breath as an anchor, anchor, anchor, anchor. I'm sure you've heard about this a thousand times more in our world of wellness. It's like, we all know breathwork is so important, but are you actually doing it? Are you actually doing it?

And I'll say this, ladies and gents, the more severe the threat, or the more severe the perceived threat, like if a woman comes into a living room and says, you didn't take out the trash, you know, screaming or something, which if she's a conscious woman, she's not gonna do that too often anyways.

And maybe we can get to that when you share more about how a woman can actually receive containment and respect and be a co-creator in being contained.

By the way, containment does not mean control, right? If I'm containing the space for a woman, I'm not holding the space because holding the space is actually kind energetic thing.

When I hear the phrase hold space, I physically have to hold something. It's actually not the case. It's more about just letting the space be what it is and containing, putting boundaries around that space so that I don't become emotionally dysregulated. That's the superpower y'all that we're talking about today...

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