Dec 1, 2020
"Soulmates are a problematic concept. You have to lower your
expectations a little bit because society has given us all these
expectations of what the perfect partner is like which are
impossible for anyone to meet. It's better to find someone that you
can both grow into soulmates over time and look at them from that
perspective. Search for someone that you can finally be yourself
around without any fear, retribution, or shame. Someone who
celebrates who you are is going to want to be with you and you're
going to want to be with them." - Roger Nygard
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Wellness Force Radio Episode 374
Film director and producer of several productions including the
documentary, The Truth About
Marriage, Roger Nygard,
shares what makes relationships work, how to increase your chances
of finding a soulmate, why polyamory is sacred for some couples,
how and when to have difficult conversations plus the concept of
The Gottman Institute's Four Horsemen and ultimate relationship
Join us as Roger shares
the best tools to help keep your relationship alive, how to handle
conflict better, and
the No. 1 piece of relationship advice.
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Listen To Episode 374 As Roger
[1:30] The Secret To Happiness
- The Truth
about Marriage: All the Relationship Secrets Nobody Tells You
by Roger Nygard
Exploring what it means to be with someone emotionally,
physically, and spiritually.
The quest for finding our soulmate
and the journey it
leads us on.
When his curiosity for the truth about marriage
finding a soulmate started.
Why the first few years of our life are crucial in our
but that doesn't have to mean we're held back from
making choices later on in life.
Unpacking the number one secret for happiness in relationships
Accepting who and what you are and doing the same for your partner
Why so many people in relationships become frustrated because
they cannot reach expectations
ideals that we, society
, our parents,
and even our friends have set for ourselves.
How the human species has become out of sync with who we are
at our core.
Exploring the positive experiences that happened during his
impacted his filmography career.
Unpacking what the key to success actually is and what it
[15:30] Why Are Relationships So Difficult?
[26:30] How To Attract A Mate
Why he chose to have Neil Strauss be a key part of his movie,
The Truth About Marriage.
The fact that we never stop growing
Why humans will always be complex creatures and there will
always be something new to learn about our partner.
How he chose the couples
for his documentary in order to really show the lesson he wanted to
What has changed in the lives of the people he interviewed
including Don Blanquito who went from being very single to getting
and having a
Which gems Josh has taken from The Truth About
Marriage and applied to his own relationship.
How you can communicate
your relationships and stop trying to be a mind reader.
Why premarital counseling is an excellent form of therapy
your relationship's happiness and longevity.
The guideline, Personal Priorities Checklist, that he includes
in the back of his book for you to go through with your partner to
get to a mutual priorities
[34:30] Why Relationships Fail
[43:30] Can A Polyamorous Relationship Work?
Why it's so important to be open with your partner about your
needs in the relationship.
The devastating impact of being in a relationship where the
other person makes you feel ashamed
What he's learned from spending time with a polyamorous couple
during the making of
The Truth About Marriage.
Why the polyamorous couple in his film was so successful with
each other because they were 100% open with one another.
Exploring why everything we do is in the name of either
Why Josh feels triggered by the idea of a polyamorous
relationship after his past experiences and not being able to
accept and forgive the mistakes he has made.
What Roger's views on polygamy
polyamorous relationships are now after the filming of the movie
compared to before.
The sacred respect that does exist for people in a polyamorous
What the practice of "capitalization" is in a relationship and
how you can use it to support
[50:30] Do You Value Your Partner Enough?
Breaking down the unintended consequences of technology
forward in the name of progress.
Why one of the Gottman's Horsemen, Contempt, is such a
deal-breaker for many relationships.
How to get out of your Contempt rut by actively participating
in the relationship in a positive way and valuing what your partner
has to say or offer.
The history of marriage
and why it
was based on other reasons such as survival, transaction, or
resources until 160 years ago.
Why the Disney fairytale relationship is the absolute bullshit
Unpacking what real love even is including both Roger's and
Josh's definitions of it.
- The Red
Queen: Sex and the Evolution of Human Nature by Matt
The power of valuing your partner's different strengths rather
than criticizing them for their weaknesses.
[55:30] How To Have A Difficult Conversation & Handle Conflict
Why men hate being ambushed about things their partner wants
to discuss with them and it's better to schedule important conversations
The importance of removing the word, "should," from your
speaking with your partner.
How to end every conflict
to make the
conversation so much better for both of you.
The immediate downfall in conversation when someone says, "You
always do this."
Why you should choose "I" over "you" and talk about your
putting the other person down.
Why there will almost always be someone in a relationship who
is more logical and the other more emotional
Exploring the value in simply just acknowledging that your
partner is hurting and offering how to help them.
[1:06:30] How To Keep Your Relationship Alive
Power Quotes From The
The No. 1 Relationship Deal -Breaker
"The Gottmans are able to predict with 90% accuracy whether or
not couples will stay together and how happy they will be just
after watching them for five minutes based primarily on one thing
they're looking for: the existence of contempt from either partner
because that shows that you're not a team. Contempt is such a
deal-breaker because if your partner doesn't value you or your
opinion then you don't feel like you or the relationship are
valued. You start to feel like an object or that the relationship
is transactional; you're not in it together. It's the togetherness
that leads couples to last and seeing themselves as a unit or a
duo." - Roger Nygard
Why Are You Really In This Relationship?
"You need to get out of the contempt rut and be actively
participating in the relationship in a positive way and valuing
what your partner has to say or offer. If you don't value that
person, why are you partners with them? That's the existential
question of relationships. What are you getting out of the deal? A
lot of people are together transactionally; they're in it for other
reasons than for valuing each other as a human: money, resources,
staying alive. That's what most of human history was. This idea of
getting married for love is only 160 years old." - Roger
Why Do Religious Couples Actually Last?
"One of the things that all experts agree on is that if you're
someone who is thinking of getting married right now, the best
thing you can do to increase your chances for longevity and
happiness in a relationship is premarital counseling to enter the
relationship with a better understanding of the rules of the game.
Most people don't do this and experts have found that religious
couples tend to do better than non-religious couples in marriage.
It's not because they're religious; it's because they're forced to
do premarital counseling by their religion so they get a better
understanding of each other. Do you know everything about your
partner? You'll never know everything but you should know some
basic things especially the core values that you both hold."
- Roger Nygard
Links From Today's
About Roger Nygard
"The Truth About Marriage
down the experts and discovers surprising scientific facts behind
what makes happy relationships work, and what we can do to increase
our chances of finding a soulmate.
is perhaps best
known for his acclaimed documentary Trekkies
, about the most obsessive fans
in the Universe. Nygard’s previous documentary, The Nature of Existence
addressed the impossible subject of the world’s philosophies,
religions, and belief systems. Nygard has also directed television series
“The Office” and “The Bernie Mac Show.” His work as a film editor
includes “Grey’s Anatomy,” “The League,” and Emmy-nominated
episodes of “Who Is America?” and “VEEP” and “Curb Your
Enthusiasm.” Nygard has made several other award-winning films,
including the car-salesman cult-film, Suckers
, and a a profile of
UFO fanatics, Six Days in
, and now the documentary The Truth About Marriage
The Truth About Marriage
. Currently he is co-producing and editing
“The Comedy Store,”
a documentary about the comedians who came
though this world-famous LA club.
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